Resilience we have heard it before. What is it

Your ability to bounce back from adversity is broadly classified as resilience. Everyone gets into difficult situations. How you deal with those situations defines your mental ability at that time. Do you take care of your inner strengths or help from your nears and dears to come out of it. We can learn and improve our ability to cope with these situations. It helps us deal with that problem and come out stronger.

Mishaps and misfortunes are a part of our lives, but they do not define us. What defines us is our ability to deal with those issues as part of our mental ability. People who fight come out of it faster and are better equipped to deal with it. People who succumb to the pressure find it difficult to deal with it. They are unable to face the stress and it affects their mental health.

“Engage the brain and keep it busy, don’t give it time to think about those negative thoughts. There is a saying that an empty brain is a devils workshop.”

The key is to take things positively. We all get negative thoughts, but we should not let them dictate terms. Let them come and go, you can’t stop them. Don’t let them stick inside your head. Engage the brain and keep it busy, don’t give it time to think about those negative thoughts. There is a saying that an empty brain is a devils workshop. If you are not engaged in a productive activity there is a higher chance of those negative thoughts entering it and taking over.

Ability of coping with adversity can be learnt overtime and will help us in those adverse condition. It will help reduce our anxieties in those situations. Mindfulness or therapy sessions specially targeted towards these can help. CBT, Cognitive Behavior Therapy helps in changing our thought patterns. You don’t have a control of what issues you encounter but you can be prepared for those situations. It will help you come out of those stressful situations.

What can we do?

Learn to adapt to situations. Each situation is different and will require a different mindset to tackle it. If you can’t think of a way to deal with it take help from your family and friends.

“7C’s of resilience how we can build the kids ability to come out of stressful situations.”

Dr Kenneth Ginsburg, in partnership with American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) studied this in detail and came up with 7C’s of resilience how we can build the kids ability to come out of stressful situations. He came up with this model for parents to prepare their kids for future problems they may encounter. Engaging them early and providing with these tools help them to tackle those problems head on.

Competence — your ability to handle situations effectively. Competence is acquired through experience but putting the children in that path is the first step. Children become competent by learning skills to trust their judgement and making responsible choices. Reenforce what the kids are doing well and provide them the opportunities to gain those dealing skills. Failure should not be discouraged, kids learn when they fail. If we try to avoid situations or put our kids in situations where they will not fail then chances are that we are preventing them from learning new things. Let them learn from their mistakes. Don’t adopt a holier than though attitude. Don’t lecture them as they are too young to grasp it. Reenforce things positively.

“Don’t just focus on their achievements, yes that is important but help them to learn the ability to judge right from wrong, being kind and persisting to deal with any situation.”

Confidence — As kids deal with situations and come of them they will gain confidence in dealing with those situations. Belief in their abilities is linked to competence. When we let the kids develop their own competence they become more confident to try something new and make the right choices. Don’t just focus on their achievements, yes that is important but help them to learn the ability to judge right from wrong, being kind and persisting to deal with any situation. Be honest in their praise don’t hide the wrong things as they will not learn otherwise.

Connection — Networking is as important as a kid as it for adults. Networking here would be to build relationships, cultivate friendships. This will help them gain a sense of security and prevent them from doing destructive things. It provides them with the feeling of being safe and the knowledge that they have someone who they can go to and rely on in that adversity. It provides them with the emotional stability.

“Make them comfortable in sticking to values and develop a caring attitude. Kids need to be empowered; they need to know what is right from wrong.”

Character — Help the kids to develop a positive and strong character. Character builds self-worth and confidence. Make them comfortable in sticking to values and develop a caring attitude. Kids need to be empowered; they need to know what is right from wrong. Explain to them how their behavior affects others around them or with whom they interact. Explain them the values of caring and sharing and overcome selfish desires.

Contribution — Make the kids realize the importance of personal contribution that the world is a better place as they are in it. Motivate them with a sense of purpose. It will help them enhance their own character, and sense of commitment and connection. Explain to them the sense of giving and serving others that many people are not as privileged as they may be.

“Being able to distinguish minor setbacks from major calamities will help them deal with it and reduce anxiety. Let them learn positive coping mechanisms.”

Coping — Help them cope with stress and stressful situations. Kids who are better prepared with coping strategies are able to deal with life challenges better. Being able to distinguish minor setbacks from major calamities will help them deal with it and reduce anxiety. Let them learn positive coping mechanisms. Learning problem solving techniques and avoiding taking emotional decisions.

Control — Let the child take decisions for themselves and don’t take it for them. You won’t be there for them always so empower them and let them take those decision. Do guide them as needed but let them take it. When they know they can control the outcome of their decisions they will gain the ability to fight it and come out of that situation.

“Talk to others and learn from their experience. You are not unique and may not be getting this situation the first time.”

If you find yourself in stressful situations or experience a temporary setback don’t fret about it. Look into your past. Did you encounter a similar situation earlier. Talk to others and learn from their experience. You are not unique and may not be getting this situation the first time. Gain from others knowledge. How did they deal with it.

Develop empathy it will help you for your issues as well as for helping others overcoming their issues. The positive attitude you developed will help you stay focused. Change is the only constant in life so don’t be afraid of change. The more you are afraid of change the more you go into your shell and get anxiety. You will come out of that situations, nothing is permanent in life. If the good things did not last in life so will not the bad things. You will be able to overcome this situation too ultimately. Accept the situation and move forward. Don’t think about why you are the only one in that situation the why me attitude needs to be avoided. Denial also will not help, tackle the situation upfront don’t delay or deny it.

“Your worrying will not stop things from happening. Worrying is like living in the future.”

COVID times for example were stressful. You did not have control over the virus, but you had control on how you dealt with it. Face masks to avoid getting it and getting vaccines to fight it. Stop worrying about things. Your worrying will not stop things from happening. Worrying is like living in the future. Instead focus on the present and deal with situations as they come.

You can’t fight all your emotions. You can’t control what you think, trying to avoid those emotions will just increase your stress. Let the thoughts come. Even the most dreadful thought and emotion will pass.

“Good people around you will feel happy to help you fight it. If you find people who are not that may be your cue to avoid those negative people.”

Don’t cut your relationships and withdraw from society. Your friends and family are there to help you, to support you in those tough times. Good people around you will feel happy to help you fight it. If you find people who are different that may be your cue to avoid those negative people. If you find people who increase your anxieties and reenforce those negative thoughts, avoid them.

Love yourself, I can’t emphasize this point enough. Before you love anyone else learn to love yourself. Tough times will pass and help your avoid negative destructive thoughts if you love yourself and have the support structure to deal with it.

“Exercise helps release endorphins which will help in improving mood and relaxing those tense muscles. Yoga, Pranayama help in reducing stress.”

Exercise and mindfulness help in stressful situations. Tense muscles in the body increase the pain. Exercise helps release endorphins which will help in improving mood and relaxing those tense muscles. Yoga, Pranayama help in reducing stress, in relaxation and getting a better quality of sleep.

Eat a balanced diet, having the right food for your body will help it gain all the right resources to deal with issues. Healthy body leads to a healthy mind and so will help you in that resilience. Avoid processed food and sugar. Two things getting very common in our lives. Ease of reach for these foods has increased we find them all over around us.

“Giving blood, teaching underprivileged kids or any other way you can think of. This will give you in a sense of caring.”

Help others in their needs, financially or physically through volunteering effort, in whatever way you can. Giving blood, teaching underprivileged kids or any other way you can think of. This will give you in a sense of caring. The positive feeling will help you in the stressful situations.

Develop some hobby, music helps. Think about it, if you know how to play a guitar you can strum out of your negative thinking. Adopt a pet, dog for example gives you unconditional love. Watch or play a sport. You will not think of the negative emotions in that time. Savor your successes, celebrate those small wins reward yourself for achieving a goal. Be grateful for things that you get and that are around you. Off course don’t be too over critical yourself. Mistakes happen everyone makes them. Try to find your way out of that maze. Don’t get overwhelmed by the enormity of any tasks. Break those tasks make them manageable.

“Tackle each day one at a time and make them meaningful. Do things which gives you a sense of accomplishment. Remain hopeful, hope is the only thing we should hold on to. Look up to your role model how they came out of their adversity.”

Strengthen your resilience over time, know when to ask for help. Know your strengths and weaknesses. Build your support network and maintain healthy relationships. Seek help when needed, there is no shame in asking for it. Practice mindfulness and meditation to manage your stress levels and anxiety. Tackle each day one at a time and make them meaningful. Do things which gives you a sense of accomplishment. Remain hopeful, hope is the only thing we should hold on to. Look up to your role model how they came out of their adversity. Remember Steven Spielberg was rejected three times by the film school and Walt Disney was fired from his newspaper job stating that he lacked imagination. Winston Churchill said success is not final and failure is not fatal, it is the courage to continue that counts. We see successful people but do not see how many times they failed before achieving that success.

Like they say touch situations do not last touch people do.