Why are we so hesitant?

I have often wondered why it is difficult to say no to people or to something that we don’t like. Why are we so hesitant about it? Is it the sensibilities of hurting people, what will happen if we say no or is it that we are timid inside? Saying no is very difficult for most of the people.

It could be social or psychological. It could be a combination of many things but the basic issue here is the skill that it requires. Saying no to someone or some situation is a skill that not everyone has. It is not rocket science though and can certainly be learned over time. It is also a very essential skill that should be taught to all students in my opinion.

“Your boss may take advantage of you by dumping more work on you, or you may take it yourself overcommitting in the process. This leads to burnout and a lot of mental issues.”

We teach our kids science, Maths, humanities, and other subjects but some of the social skills are not taught to them. These kids grow up to be tomorrow’s leaders and resources. This one ability of not knowing when to say no or how to say no may hamper them in the future. It is essential for their personal growth and well-being itself. Your boss may take advantage of you by dumping more work on you, or you may take it yourself overcommitting in the process. This leads to burnout and a lot of mental issues.

We understand no, as having a negative connotation. It also carries a fear among us of disapproval. We think that saying no will make us unpopular and people will dislike us. Our want to be accepted in society compels us to say yes when we want to say no inside, to avoid, any confrontation with anyone, as no is associated with conflict.

“It could also be the fear of rejection that we have. We fear that saying no to some work or situation will make them a pariah.”

We have also been taught about being accommodating and being caring. Accommodation and caring are good but it does have a negative effect on the person here in this case. Understand the distinction between when it is needed and when your own needs supersede it. It could also be the fear of rejection that we have. We fear that saying no, to some work or situation, will make them a pariah and people will avoid giving them more opportunities in the future.

In some cases of family or close friends, there are situations of being obligated to the other person. Someone may have helped us or our family at some time and now to show our gratitude we may end up saying yes. Some people by default do not think about themselves first. They have the welfare of the other person at heart. So even though that work may not be something they wanted to do they end up saying yes to it.

“It could also be a simple desire to please people all the time, to be in their good books, to gain their approval.”

Another issue is time management. Medically or for some other reasons people have difficulty in managing their time, overcommitting themselves in the process. It could also be a simple desire to please people all the time, to be in their good books, to gain their approval. They feel a sense of guilt if they say no to them.

A lot of people also have low self-confidence and self-esteem. They simply cannot raise their voice to say no and end up in a difficult situation to complete that task. They are simply not assertive.

“They don’t want to show they are weak and so may not say no.”

Another issue could be overconfidence. Sometimes people are so overconfident that they end up saying yes to everything. Oh, I can do everything how can I say no? This brings them to face difficult situations in life. They don’t want to show they are weak and so may not say no.

What can be done?

Set some boundaries around you and communicate it, to the people around you, for all situations. There is no guilt or shame in it. Knowing these boundaries will help you in being self-aware. Look at your emotional stability and the things that affect it. If some work or situation is disturbing it and making it stressful for you then you need to reassess. A key factor in building boundaries is also if you are consistent with it. If you have a different response to different people and different situations then people will not respect you.

“If that new responsibility extends you in your time management, then either prioritize your current work or say no to the new one. Understanding your priorities for work will help you realize your potential.”

Always assess what is in your current plate of work. Ask yourself, if you would be able to take on that new work or responsibility, with the current set that you already have. If that new responsibility, extends you in your time management, then either prioritize your current work or say no to the new one. Understanding your priorities for work will help you realize your potential. You may have to extend sometimes which is normal in life but if that extension is day in and day out then something is wrong and you need to reassess. Either delegate the current work to someone else or say no to the new one.

Assertiveness is not aggressiveness so learn to be assertive without being aggressive. Be polite but firm in your response no matter what is said or presented by others. In most cases, if you explain your current situation or obligations the other person will understand the reason for you saying no to the new request. Saying no will not make you rude. Don’t overexplain, be concise and explain the reason but don’t overdo it.

“Always keep your well-being in mind. Your mental health is the most important thing that should be considered first.”

If you find it difficult to say no, practice it. It is a skill and must be developed. Think about situations and create a scenario for yourself, you can look in the mirror and practice saying no to some situation. It will help you in real-time situations. Always keep your well-being in mind. Your mental health is the most important thing that should be considered first. You can help others only if you help yourself first.

Learn from your experience. History is a very good teacher if we are willing to learn from it. How did the last situation go with you, when you said yes instead of that elusive no? Seek help from your family and friends or even from your boss or colleagues. They can provide you with the guidance you need. Saying no, is not being selfish. Understand that your own needs are also important.

“You are the key driver for your own mental health. If you don’t understand it then you will find yourself in unnecessary situations. Taking care of yourself is not being unkind to the other person.”

Understand the request and listen to what the other person is saying before committing yourself. Buy some time, if you are unsure, or need to ponder on it. You are the key driver for your own mental health. If you don’t understand it, then you will find yourself in unnecessary situations. Taking care, of yourself, is not being unkind to the other person. It is necessary, for your mental and physical health, to maintain balance in your life.

How it affects you.

The first result of not saying no is that it will lead to burnout. Your physical and mental health is affected which in turn, affects the life of the people around you. Your near and dear ones, who care for you. It increases the stress in your life.

“Your ability to make decisions is also affected and you may not be able to make the right decision at that time.”

Overcommitment leads to stress affecting your well-being. Overcommitting yourself also leads to lower productivity. Your ability, to make decisions is also affected and you may not be able to make the right decision at that time.

Just think about how you work in the first couple of hours of the day versus how you function towards the end of the day. Imagine, if you must extend it further, or must sacrifice the rest, over the weekend for work that needs to be done. What effect it will have on your output? This is compounded further when you do it every day.

“Anxiety and depression are major issues that occur due to your inability to say no. The constant pressure to overperform or your own image perception for others leads you to get anxiety, depression, or both.”

It also leads to another societal issue, where you start resenting the person, who gave you the additional work. Impacting your relationships. The person may or may not be aware of your situation but understand that it was you, who took that additional thing, onto yourself. Anxiety and depression are major issues that occur due to your inability to say no.

The constant pressure, to overperform, or your own image perception for others, leads you to get anxiety, depression, or both. It also can lead to social aloofness. As you are unable to say no, to avoid getting into unpleasant situations, you withdraw from society, further increasing anxiety and depression for the person. Stress leads to physical health issues, and stress may cause you to overeat or not exercise. Leading to a host of health issues. You may experience digestive issues, or headaches or your immune system may be impacted.

“This self-awareness is very important and we should be doing it ourselves as well as teaching our kids.”

It is ok to say no, the real thing is the awareness of it. When should you say no rather than yes? This self-awareness is very important and we should be doing it ourselves, as well as teaching our kids, about it. It will benefit you as well as all your relationships. Everyone with whom you come in contact, as well as the ones who care for you.