I’ve encountered my fair share of workplace challenges over the years, and it often feels like I’m constantly moving from one issue to another. One recurring difficulty I’ve observed is the disconnect between bosses and their subordinates. Several factors contribute to this gap, some of which I can empathize with.

One common issue is the tendency to reward mediocrity, wherein employees who don’t excel are still recognized and promoted. Additionally, the practice of elevating technically proficient employees into managerial roles can lead to problems. Mistakes made during the interview process can also create mismatches in expectations, as individuals may portray themselves differently than they truly are.

Another issue that frequently arises involves individuals who, despite their initial appearances, turn out to be dishonest. However, the most prevalent problem I’ve encountered is bosses who feel threatened by their subordinates’ abilities, leading to strained relationships and miscommunication.

Lastly, there are those who excel in communication but struggle with execution. These individuals may talk a good game but fail to deliver on their promises. These challenges in the workplace reflect the complex dynamics that exist between bosses and employees, making it crucial to address them effectively.

Toxic bosses are regrettably prevalent in many corporate cultures, and it’s vital to define what I mean by ‘toxic.’ These are bosses who exert a profoundly negative influence on their teams, undermining morale, and productivity. They are the ones who belittle, claim credit for your work, and habitually shift blame onto others, making the lives of their subordinates miserable. The motivations behind their behavior can vary widely, and virtually everyone has encountered such bosses at some point.

Reflecting on my own extensive corporate experience, I can trace my encounters with toxic bosses back to the early days of my career as a teacher. In those formative years, I was too young to fully grasp the toxicity of their actions, and their impact eluded me. However, with the benefit of hindsight, I can now connect the dots and recognize the detrimental effects of their behavior on my professional growth and well-being.

As I embarked on my career, I had recently completed my master’s degree, brimming with idealism and a fervent desire to change the world. I aimed to accomplish this by educating and empowering students and channeling my knowledge to mold the leaders of tomorrow. In hindsight, I recognize the clichéd nature of my aspirations, but as a 22-year-old, I hadn’t yet developed the wisdom to question everything. I applied for a position at a convent school, and I was fortunate that the principal appreciated my energy and offered me the job.

Things started on a positive note; I was assigned to teach 12th-grade students. After receiving my schedule, I noted that I had a total of 28 class periods per week, each lasting 40 minutes. With three months left in the term, I would diligently prepare each lesson a day in advance and deliver it to the best of my ability. The students responded well, and their improved results reflected their appreciation.

However, as the school year progressed, we eventually reached a 2 and a half month vacation period. When I returned the following year, I fully expected to continue my role with the 12th grade. To my astonishment, the vice principal summoned me and informed me of an unexpected change: I would be transferred to a junior grade, as he would be taking over the 12th grade.

I couldn’t fathom the reason behind my sudden demotion. I had performed well the previous year, so the question ‘Why me?’ loomed in my mind. At the time, I was relatively young and oblivious to the office politics that surrounded me. With no alternative in sight, I accepted the new teaching assignment. My unwavering dedication to students remained, and teaching was the sole pursuit I desired.

Throughout the year, there were numerous instances where I was assigned tasks that seemed designed to create difficulties for me. After enduring two years of mounting stress, I ultimately decided to resign. It was only later that I learned the true reason behind my demotion: the vice principal felt threatened by the exceptional results I was achieving. He believed his own position was at risk, as he taught the same subject as I did. The subsequent harassment stemmed from his desire to replace me with someone of his choosing, and he sought my departure to make way for his preferred candidate.

Two years of enduring stress eroded my idealism, leaving me with a clear resolve never to return to teaching in a school. During this period, computer programming languages gained immense popularity. I decided to delve into this field, dedicating myself to learning Java coding. After acquiring a substantial amount of knowledge, I secured my first job as a programmer in a startup.

During my time in the startup, I was exposed to various projects and had the privilege of working under supportive and enlightening bosses who guided me and fostered my growth. However, this favorable phase came to an end when the startup was acquired by a larger company.

The transition to the bigger corporation brought significant changes, starting with the restructuring of titles. Despite my seniority as a software engineer and team lead, I was bestowed with the title of ‘Junior Advisor’ in the new company. This transformation was influenced by factors like one’s clout within the organization or the presence of influential mentors. I, unfortunately, lacked both, being relatively new to the industry with no influential sponsors. Consequently, the new changes began to affect me as junior colleagues were promoted to two titles above me. This was despite their limited expertise and experience and over time they started to dictate terms.

Back then, I was still trying to grasp the intricacies of the corporate world, so I diligently carried on with my responsibilities. With the arrival of a new center head, he swiftly assembled his team and launched numerous initiatives. During one of our meetings, he recognized my potential and entrusted me with vital roles within the company. I became part of the leadership group, attending important meetings alongside him. However, his preference for me didn’t sit well with the long-serving employees there.

My immediate supervisor, feeling threatened by this situation, initiated a familiar pattern of harassment. Ultimately, he called me one day and informed me of a transfer to another city, framing it as an opportunity for growth. In reality, the move was intended to separate me from the guidance I was receiving from the center head. This became evident when he submitted a negative review of my performance in my annual appraisal.

The new city presented its own set of challenges, ranging from logistical hurdles to the complexities of understanding a fresh project. Several uneventful years passed on the professional front. However, on the personal side, my life underwent a transformation when my daughter was born. Her presence was like a radiant beacon, illuminating my world, and I found myself becoming a better person through her influence.

Despite my dedication and hard work, I couldn’t help but notice my boss promoting others while seemingly overlooking my own achievements. Frustration welled up within me, prompting a candid conversation with my boss. Unfortunately, I received no satisfactory answers. To my surprise, later that year, I was informed of my promotion to a managerial position, which brought me a sense of relief.

It was only afterwards that I discovered the role of my client manager in this promotion. She had written a heartfelt appreciation email to my manager’s manager, emphasizing the importance of retaining me to prevent attrition. It seemed that while my frustrations may not have been evident to my direct manager, they were discernible to her, and she took steps to ensure my career advancement.

Assuming the responsibilities of a new manager opened doors to fresh knowledge and a different set of duties. I led my team with a vow never to repeat the behaviors I had experienced from my previous bosses. My team appreciated my approach, and several years passed harmoniously.

However, life took an unexpected turn when my manager, a client partner, resigned, leaving me in charge without the accompanying title or financial recognition. Despite this, I carried on, effectively serving as the de facto leader with the expectation that the transition to the desired promotion would eventually occur. I would get the needed title and the money with it.

Then, one day, I received surprising news that a new client partner had been appointed, and I was to collaborate with him. This marked an unforeseen shift in my role. The new client partner became my superior, initially earning my favor with his collaborative demeanor and willingness to understand the business.

However, as he grew more acquainted with the business, he began to question my actions on trivial matters. Unable to find fault in my work, he resorted to criticism of seemingly insignificant aspects, like my presentation and leadership skills. While these may not be trivial in their own right, I found them petty because I had garnered immense respect from my team and client for my work and presentation skills. Our business had thrived, growing from a few million to over 40 million, a testament to my efforts.

He began to deliver critical lectures, belittling my abilities as a manager and pointing out perceived shortcomings, often relating to subjective matters. Accusations on subjective matters are conveniently made, as they require no concrete data for support, and managers frequently operate without the need for data validation.

Gradually, he started reassigning critical responsibilities to his favored team members, alleging that I couldn’t effectively oversee those areas, and someone else would perform better. The justifications seemed vague and unsubstantiated. Then, one day, he informed me that the client was dissatisfied with my work, prompting a desire for a replacement. It was a shocking revelation, but I was helpless; the client’s satisfaction was paramount.

A new colleague was introduced, and I began my transition out of the client’s domain. Simultaneously, I embarked on a different interview process with other clients within the company and secured a confirmation from one of them.

One day, my current boss approached me with a sense of urgency. He conveyed that the client’s Vice President wanted to have a conversation with me. He emphasized not speaking negatively about our company and encouraged me to view this as my own choice to leave the client. At the time, I found his advice somewhat perplexing. When I met with the VP, he displayed familiarity with my work and expressed a strong desire for me to stay. He inquired about my reasons for departure and offered to intervene with my boss to ensure my retention, which was surprising, given my earlier understanding that the client sought a change.

Contemplating a future conversation with my boss, I recognized its impracticality, as it would likely lead to a difficult working relationship, making my professional life unpleasant. Furthermore, I was genuinely excited about a new project that had come my way. Consequently, I informed the VP of my commitment to the new project and my intention to leave. He appeared disappointed but handed me his business card, inviting me to reach out whenever I considered rejoining the client.

In hindsight, I later realized that he may have intended for me to join his company directly, which I had overlooked at the time. This incident serves as a reminder that sometimes, we fail to discern the goodwill in others’ actions, especially when we’ve had recent experiences with toxic bosses.

Another encounter with a toxic boss occurred much later in my career. Unlike the earlier experience, this time the toxicity was more overt and direct. I attributed this shift to the hierarchical dynamics at play, where juniors typically pose less of a threat to their superiors unless favoritism comes into play. However, occupying middle management and leadership positions brought about a different set of challenges.

In several instances, I found myself overlooked for promotions, as colleagues feared that my advancement might jeopardize their own positions. One particular boss stands out in this regard. He initially presented himself as amiable, mirroring past experiences, but over time, he began to perceive me as a threat to his own job. I grappled with the notion of how subordinates could pose a threat to their managers, a concept that remains elusive to me.

The same feedback kept resurfacing: ‘You’re an excellent leader, but your communication needs improvement.’ I received this feedback, urging me to enhance my communication skills, but I couldn’t grasp why my communication seemed to deteriorate after stepping into a managerial role.

One day, my boss requested me to join him in his office. He expressed concern about a prior conversation I had with one of our team members, deeming it subpar. Seeking improvement, I inquired about the specifics of my mistake. He pointed out a particular phrase I had used: ‘You need to work on understanding the domain to improve your knowledge.’ In his opinion, my statement should have been more inclusive, using ‘we’ instead of ‘you’: ‘We need to learn the domain.’ This correction perplexed me; I struggled to comprehend why I couldn’t address an individual’s developmental needs without using ‘we.’ It left me feeling disheartened and frustrated, questioning why I seemed to be the only one facing such challenges with my bosses.

One day, during a communication lecture, my manager conveyed his belief that I was making mistakes because he thought I was first formulating my thoughts in my native language before translating them into English. I found this assessment puzzling; the notion of thinking in my native language and then translating it seemed overly simplistic.

Another time, he advised me to maintain some distance from my peers, cautioning against being overly friendly as it might negatively impact the team. This advice left me equally perplexed, and it felt like I was continually confronted with peculiar feedback.

My frustration reached a point where I sought a new job within the same company, and things initially appeared to be improving. However, I soon heard familiar criticism—’ Your communication is not up to par.’ This time, I decided to address it directly. I confronted my new manager, seeking clarification on what precisely she meant. She provided vague feedback and mentioned that this was what she got from my previous manager.

Now, I’ve come to terms with my job, understanding that it’s not always feasible to challenge the established system. My goal is to fulfill my responsibilities until my retirement. The company’s working environment is generally agreeable, so there’s no compelling reason to seek opportunities elsewhere. I’ve lost much of my ambition and the drive to challenge my managers. Instead, I diligently complete the courses and tasks my manager recommends, following her guidance.

This approach has made my experience more satisfactory than before. It’s not always necessary to engage in confrontations. Whether to confront and question or compromise and follow instructions depends on the individual. I’ve chosen the latter path.

Upon reflection, I’ve come to realize that challenging the corporate system within a company is often an uphill battle. Your boss’s feedback tends to linger and influence your standing. Even in a new job, there’s no guarantee of having a better boss. At this stage in my life, I had a choice to make, and I opted for compromise. My priorities have shifted, and I no longer desire the daily struggle. While I made a compromise, I established some essential guidelines for myself.

I needed to recognize that it wasn’t me but the manager trying to undermine my confidence. To protect my mental well-being, I had to adopt this mantra: ‘You are competent, regardless of what you hear.’ This approach allowed me to navigate the system while maintaining some personal boundaries.

To shed light on the underlying reasons behind toxic leadership, it’s essential to look deeper into some fundamental factors.

Firstly, toxic environments often breed when mediocrity is rewarded and excellence goes unnoticed. When individuals without the knowledge or experience of managing a team assume leadership roles, they tend to establish their own rules, often resorting to putting others down to advance their personal agendas.

Another common scenario is when a technically proficient individual is elevated to a managerial position. While they may excel in their technical skills, it doesn’t automatically qualify them to be effective managers. Managerial and leadership abilities are distinct, and without proper guidance, those newly promoted often develop their management styles. Unfortunately, this can lead to authoritarianism or servitude to certain team members, negatively impacting team dynamics as they prioritize appeasing a select few at the expense of others.

Furthermore, the hiring process can sometimes go awry with incorrect choices made during interviews. In a brief interview setting, it’s challenging to truly understand a person, and not all interviewers possess the expertise to gauge candidates accurately. Consequently, poor hiring decisions lead to individuals who are not a good fit for their roles, ultimately harming their future teams.

Lastly, there are those who engage in deceptive behavior, projecting a different image of themselves compared to their true nature. Perhaps the most common scenario involves bosses who feel threatened by the capabilities of their subordinates. In such cases, they resort to undermining and mistreatment, making their subordinates’ lives unbearable in an attempt to drive them away.

Some individuals are known for their fast-talking abilities, adept at impressing others with their eloquence and charisma. They often secure promotions based on their speaking skills, despite lacking the competence to effectively manage a team. When dealing with such situations, it’s crucial to prioritize your own well-being.

Start by assessing the source of the issue. If it stems from within yourself, strive to enact positive change and self-improvement. Embrace feedback constructively to enhance your performance. However, if the issue lies with your manager, attempt a rational discussion to address concerns. If this approach proves ineffective, consider collaborating with your manager and adapting to their expectations.

If all else fails, remember that there are countless opportunities out there, waiting for someone with your potential. Never lose sight of your resilience and determination. Don’t ever give up